[GFDuke]

AN ACTUAL PERSONAL AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me InDowntown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2010-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Bur berry jacket that
you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend,
threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I
can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I
didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for
a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 ...45 ACP
pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very
evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed
at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse
walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with
me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug
us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed
in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and
filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station,
-- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van
Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile"
that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and
keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your
cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone
for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to
get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI,
while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long
chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you,
but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather
immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect
upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember,
next time you might not be so lucky. Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

[Splave]

uh oh!
http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp

[Kal-EL]

Kimber is a nice looking weapon too

[GFDuke]

Originally Posted by Splave

uh oh!
http://www.snopes.com/crime/justice/mugger.asp

And i thought it was real.

[MaadDaawg]

Here's another true story

My cousin Linda was in Vegs last moth, staying at the MGM Gtrand. Just after walking into the elevator to go up to her room for the night, two tall Balck men entered the elevator. One of them had a dog with him, the other guy was huge and looked really scary.

So, as most people do, she tended to her own thoughts while trying not to make contact when she heard "LAY DOWN LADY!!" OMG she thought, I'm going to be raped her in this elevator car and there's nothing I can do about it, so she immediately dropped to the floor hoping it may be only a robbery and not a sexual assualt.

All of a sudden, she heard the two men behind her laughing hysterically, and then the man with the dog and apologized for scaring her. You see, the dogs name was Lady.

The next morning when she went to check out, the clerk told her her bill had been paid in full and handed her a sealed enveleop. Inside was a short note

"I am so sorry for scarring you last night on the elevator so I though the least I could do was pay your bill for you. Sincerely, Lionel Richie"

[DOM]

Originally Posted by MaadDaawg

Here's another true story

My cousin Linda was in Vegs last moth, staying at the MGM Gtrand. Just after walking into the elevator to go up to her room for the night, two tall Balck men entered the elevator. One of them had a dog with him, the other guy was huge and looked really scary.

So, as most people do, she tended to her own thoughts while trying not to make contact when she heard "LAY DOWN LADY!!" OMG she thought, I'm going to be raped her in this elevator car and there's nothing I can do about it, so she immediately dropped to the floor hoping it may be only a robbery and not a sexual assualt.

All of a sudden, she heard the two men behind her laughing hysterically, and then the man with the dog and apologized for scaring her. You see, the dogs name was Lady.

The next morning when she went to check out, the clerk told her her bill had been paid in full and handed her a sealed enveleop. Inside was a short note

"I am so sorry for scarring you last night on the elevator so I though the least I could do was pay your bill for you. Sincerely, Lionel Richie"

[Kal-EL]

Hello? I just thought I'd let you know......

True story:
2 men break into a home in downtown Honolulu late one night. The neighbor sees the men climbing into his nieghbors home thru a window and calls 911. Kal and his plain clothes buddies rush to the scene and arrive just as the two men are climbing back out the window. "Stop, Police!" and the two men take off running thru the back yard. Light of foot, Kal pursues the men thru the back yard, over a fence, thru another backyard and over yet another fence. Urgently, Kal warns the two dummies "Don't jump that next fence DUMBASSES!" Do they listen? Nope! The two men hop the next fence and fall 30 feet over the other side as it was the backside of large retaining wall with a fence at the top. Both men suffered multiple breaks in their legs and ribs including ruptured spleans. Unable to continue running they lay on the ground groaning and moaning until scraped up by parametics. Kal stands at the top of the retaining wall suffering from belly cramps from laughing histerically and ridicules the two brainiacs until paramedics arrive on scene. Moral of the story? Don't run from the popo

[reflex99]

cool story bro.......


>.>

[GFDuke]

Great story Kal. ROFL

[OC Maximus]

LMAO!!! Kal